I recently was reading the e-magazine, elan: The Global Guide to Muslim Culture when I stumbled upon Salman S‘s new post “Arab Muslims versus Desi Muslims: The Meaningless Differences Finally Revealed“. My buddy Jewslim picked a fight with him in the article’s comment section, and I decided to finish the job here.
It’s true, Desis and Arabs don’t exactly get a long. Moreover, my Persian buddies say the only people they dislike more than Arabs are Desis. Why? Because the Desis complain more about Arabs than they do, and the Persians don’t like that sort of oneupmanship.
The racism between Arabs and Desis in America is well-documented, as well as their xenophobic tendencies towards other groups of Muslims. Sites like AltMuslimah, Muslimology, and plenty of others have articles and posts talking about the heartbreaking racism in both of these communities, in a serious way. But I won’t be. Instead I will refute Salman’s points out of pure boredom, and because I like to be a troublemaker
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Here are Salman’s points from elan below:
1. Desi Muslims place a high degree of importance on the magical carpet Muslims pray on, they call Jaan-e-maaz. After Desis pray they fold the top corner over. If they don’t, culturally, it is said, that the devil will come and pray on it, which is a bad thing…? Arab Muslims think Jaan-e-what? While still using prayer rugs, they basically pray on any clean surface including but not limited to: the floor, grass, water, carpet, or a prayer rug.
First of all, the term is jahan namaaz (جہاں نماز). A Hindustani loanword from Persian. “Namaaz” means worship while “Jahan” means world, essentially denoting the Islamic belief that you can pray anywhere in the world, given that the place is “clean”, and not najis (نجس) or impure.
Given that improperly conducted worship are enough to damn you to Hell, it’s important in Islam to make sure you get the job done right. Since a floor might be unclean, the grass might have poop on it, and none of us are Jesus Christ (we can’t stand,walk, or pray on water), Desis take the safe, if kind of OCD path of ensuring cleanliness on praying on a nicely decorated rug.
And yes, the corner folding thing is really weird. But some Arabs eat camel. Now that’s weird (and it smells awful when you cook it, trust me).
2. Arab Muslims boast that the Qur’an is written in their language and the Prophet (PBUH) was Arab, so in effect, they know more. However, they still can’t understand the sophistication of the Arabic used in the Qur’an. Desi Muslims on the other hand claim, as a scientific fact, that they respect the Qur’an and the Prophet (PBUH) more.
Okay first of all, some of the greatest Muslim scholars in the world today are Arab. These include Tariq Ramadan, the recently deceased Mohammed Tantawi, amongst other scholars, striving to defeat extremism and Islamist jihadism. So I’m going to give the Arabs some credit here: having the holiest text in our faith in your language pays off, a lot.
Furthermore, a lot of the rituals and behavior at many Sufi Shrines in the Desi world are closer to paganism and idolatry than to Islam. In Karachi for instance, the shrine of Abdullah Ghazi (an immensely popular one amongst Karachi’s estimated 10 million poor)’s devotees use hash and pot to really get into the mood of dancing during wild parties on Thursday night that honor the Sufi Saint, and not God. Karachiites believe Ghazi’s shrine keeps cyclones and natural disasters away, rather than Allah’s will. Kufr, much? Not exactly a good way to honor the Prophet (pbuh) or the Quran, if you ask me.
3. Arab Muslims think they all founded Islam, but Desi Muslims think that they’re are responsible for the REAL interpretation…riggghhhttt…In reality, they’re both in the same boat.
Actually, Muhammad ibn’ Abdullah (pbuh) founded Islam, and he just happened to be Arab, although according to Martin Lings, his Grandfather Abd’ul Muttalib was Jewish through his mother. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) would spend his entire life teaching humanity that regardless of race, all are socially equal in the eyes of God.
Desi “Muslim” on the other hand, have seemed bent on destroying Islam since 1947. Pakistan’s Mawlana Mawdudi and Pakistani-trained Taliban leader Mullah Omar are chief amongst Pakistan’s religious leaders dedicated to radicalizing Muslims, and teaching racial hatred and dislike for Bengalis, Indians, and Westerners. In the same boat? maybe, but I think the Arabs have much more diversity in their political and religious leadership.
4. When Arab Muslims meet they hug and kiss each other, separate, and then re-hug…like real men should. When Desis meet, they shake hands and stare into each other’s eyes for a few minutes.
Okay, no. That’s just WEIRD. Statistics show that 1/4 of Saudi men are gay. When I read claims like the one above, I go “duh”. In most Arab countries, men and women kissing each other at all is a crime punishable by imprisonment–even if you’re married (if you smooch in public).
Of course the brother kisses another dude on the cheeks! He ain’t getting any play from his sugamama any time soon!! If you ask me, this doesn’t show how manly Arab men are, just how desperate they are for normal lives! Arab regimes with poor human rights records: let the boys and girls play!
5. Arab Muslims and Desi Muslims are always insulting each other. Persians sometimes pretend to be insulted to fit in. Yes, we know Persians you are better because you’re “white.”
Okay, yes. Persians do like the melodramatic attention. And they do fit in. Every Desi and Arab guy I know wants to either shag or marry a Persian chick. Something about “being less violent” is what I hear the most often as the reason why.
But Arabs insult Desis a heck of a lot less than Persians insult them both. When I was consulting an Iranian outfit of dissidents two summers ago, every other joke out of my Persian clients mouths were “chi Pakistani,” ”yeh doktar Arabi,” ”stoooopid Indiyaaaaaan”. Khodaya man. I beg my Desi and Arab brothers and sisters to realize that Ahmedinjad’s smiling, totally clueless face is a total ruse. Pick on the Iranians!!!!
6. Arabs can’t eat spicy food, but Desis complain that their Tabasco Sauce is bland.
Of course Arabs can’t eat spicy food, they don’t have any real FOOD where they’re from!
Okay, that’s totally untrue. As photos from my buddy Dr. Alkebsi’s blog (he’s a uber-foodie) show me, there is A LOT of diversity in Arab cuisine. It’s just that if you’ve ever watched a Zee-TV or PTV soap opera, you know that scheming Desi wives and in-laws are always trying to backstab and poison each other. Over the years, that’s been demonstrated by inventing spicy cream spinach and extra spicy vegetable turnovers, amongst a host of other really really strange dishes. What Arabs think is “spicy” is just another passive-aggressive attempt by Desi women everywhere to poison their enemies at the dinnertable, and get off scott-free on murder charges.
The fact of the matter is that Desis and Arabs are more similar than different. Both try to bargain prices at fancy restaurants, complain about the state of Muslims today, think doctors and engineers are the only “real” professions, speak loudly as their normal tone, smoke hookah, and drive erratically. Everyone is realizing these differences are meaningless, this allows us to get to more important issues like, what else can we fold into hummus?
NOT EVEN! Okay my favorite Desi story: An entire family walked into an Arab owned fancy restaurant, faked a coupon at the end to get a huge discount, and proceeded to argue for like an hour with the owners about the bill. The owner finally told them not to pay and to just get the hell out of his establishment, to which the Desis snidely queried ”can we have bags for the food?”
The Desis win the haggling round. As for erratic driving. NO ONE beats a Tehrani driver. Even the cabbies on the mean streets of Tel Aviv (no really, you can get blown up on them), admit that their Persian Jewish neighbors scare the bejeezus out of them when behind of the wheel of a car.
As for our real professions: no one wants to be an engineer anymore! It’s all about the advanced Phd to go work at NIH! That and becoming a lawyer to bail our cousins out of Gitmo. And all peoples smoke Hookah. It’s a fundamental right of being an American.
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